PHOTO PORTFOLIO
.
.
.
1% of 1% of 1% of my archive.
Account not required.
Likes not required.
.
.
.
Home. For now.
May 5, 2024
California
I noticed this insect inside one of the flower while out on my back patio. It appeared dead, unresponsive and not moving. All I could think was what a beautiful and fragrant place to be laid to rest. RIP little buddy.
July 28, 2023
Ramona, California
The half-finished white picket fence I always dreamed of having.
February 6, 2023
Ramona, California
You couldn’t ask for a better view while waiting at the ATM… I mean, you could, but why would you? And who would you ask? Your mom?
January 20, 2023
Ramona, California
Watching “Licorice Pizza” twice in one day. Don’t worry, bleeding out of my ears and mouth while shooting laser beams out of my eyes is normal for me.
November 30, 2022
Ramona, California
Holding up a wall. Desperately.
November 17, 2022
Ramona, California
“Huh? What’s that, Mom and Dad? You like an ancient book full of hallucinogenic stories more than me? That’s fair.”
I put this image on a custom credit card and they shipped it to the wrong fucking address. So somewhere out there there’s a fucking weirdo walking around with me in their wallet. Or maybe they lied and they framed it and it’s in the lobby of the credit card company cuz they’re such big fans of the podcast. Yeah, yeah, that’s probably the more likely option.
Sometimes this happens when I have to wake up too early in the morning.
October 7, 2022
Ramona, California
The cape honeysuckle continues to live on in its bucket. Strong bloomies. Strong bucket bush.
September 9, 2022
Ramona, California
April 22, 2022
San Pasqual Valley, California
It’s like God smiling down, flipping us off with UV radiation. My fucking sunburn hurts, goddammit.
April 12, 2022
Escondido, California
April 12, 2022
San Marcos, California
DK anniversary skateboards coming soon… in the year 2062.
April 2, 2022
Escondido, California
Home for one month of my life, I lose myself down a portal of infinite time and space in Joshy Josh’s kitchen skylight.
April 2, 2022
Escondido, California
Shout out to this lady for putting up with my psycho ass for 4 years. Thank you for always being so sweet to me, inviting me to holiday meals, and for being willing to take my weird orphan plants.
March 31, 2022
La Mesa, California
Dwain “The Rock” Boston. This man lifted me up when I was at my lowest. He didn’t even know who the fuck I was, just another neighbor, some weird, sad, angry, distraught, confused, self-loathing white guy sitting on the street curb. But he still engaged me, fearlessly. Despite our age difference, we related to each other. He shared stories of his estrangement from his parents, siblings, and his children, struggles with his wife, finances, drugs, and religion. This dude was vulnerable beyond measure and gave me strength when I needed it most. Thank you, forever.
March 30, 2022
La Mesa, California
March 4, 2022
La Mesa, California
March 3, 2022
La Mesa, California
Ashley chose to leave our partnership and friendship in July 2021 by means of infidelity. I found this on the ground while out on one of my walks, processing the finality of heartbreak. A fitting location and a fitting word. What an amazing synchronicity. Bye, Felicia, indeed.
November 16, 2021
La Mesa, California
October 10, 2021
La Mesa, California
Trouble in the air.
October 5, 2021
La Mesa, California
Don’t turn me back to the old me: I stopped binge drinking after over 13 years of dependency, right after my vision did this for the 10 millionth time. Separating from enablers helped immensely. Fuck, this makes me thirsty lol.
September 22, 2021
La Mesa, California
August 10, 2021
Lake Murray, California
August 10, 2021
Lake Murray, California
August 10, 2021
Lake Murray, California
August 10, 2021
La Mesa, California
June 17, 2021
Liberty Station, California
This day and location marked the beginning of the end. Boy, I wish I was on that plane.
June 17, 2021
Liberty Station, California
Air Jorpan. David Jorpanheimer. 1 foot vertical. Print that shit.
October 11, 2020
La Mesa, California
JULY 8, 2020
LA MESA, CALIFORNIA
MAY 31, 2020
LA MESA, CALIFORNIA
Selling our souls to survive... I mean, uh, we really believe in this shit! Definitely not uncomfortable whatsoever. Totally trustworthy.
February 16, 2020
La Mesa, California
The double-fisting of warm beverages really must stop.
December 2, 2019
La Mesa, California
Old screenshot of me commenting on one of my all-time favorite live performances.
August 8, 2019.
Mount Helix Park, California
June 3, 2019
Sunset at the La Mesa apartment.
January 8, 2019
As an introvert, I’ve been criticized more than once that I don’t seem approachable. This is interesting to me, because I’m never so closed-off as to not notice someone else taking my picture just a few steps away. Avoidant behaviors include hiding behind phones and ignoring people around you. I might be introverted, but I sure as fuck am not avoidant. Most people don’t enjoy paying attention to others unless they want something from them. What do they want or not want?
December 28, 2018
Point Loma, California
December 17, 2018
San Diego California
Out working with the tree service, my thoughts turn skywards in an effort to escape such a brutal way of living.
December 5, 2018
Poway, California
Sometimes it’s hard to choose.
November 13, 2018
Dehesa, California
There used to be an employee that worked at my neighborhood Vons. I thought he looked like the main character from “Eraserhead,” big hair and all. He was out retrieving shopping carts one day and I took this picture while walking, not even catching him on camera. So I made this instead.
October 26, 2018
La Mesa, California
My first Cali plates. Word up to your mother.
May 2018
La Mesa, California
Yes it is, Eleanor, yes it is. I found this weird-ass collage of this gold-digging socialite — oops, I mean First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt — being very handsy. So naturally I found it necessary to generate a meme out of it. You’re welcome, World.
February 13, 2017
Dead flowers.
Grimes, Iowa
August 18, 2016
Dead Flowers.
Ankeny, Iowa
August 18, 2016
“Fuck hashtags and retweets.” — Jay-Z
“Thank God David finally got new glasses. Those wire frames were fucking hideous.” — also Jay-Z
Grimes, Iowa
August 11, 2016
The infamous closed-eyes photo with John Waters after waiting an hour in line. His advice to me about making movies was essentially do whatever it takes to make what you want no matter where you’re at. My advice to him: open your fucking eyes for photos or I won’t buy your shitty book next time at your shitty free lecture. I’m joking, you were great. I’m joking again, I want that hour of my life back, plus the other hour sitting in the yawn-inducing lecture. Hanging out with Endri was great as always though. Maybe next time he can give the talk and do the signing. I’d even pay John Waters not to do it.
October 15, 2014
Hoyt Sherman Theater, Des Moines, Iowa
If only I had just thrown myself over the balcony, maybe things would’ve turned out better.
“Wow, if I had a dollar for every pixel in this picture I’d have two whole dollars.” — Endri
The PowerPose photo sessions, where I taught young orphan children how to strike a powerful pose in order to not be ridiculed mercilessly by other children. Mission accomplished. *thumbs up*
June 8, 2014
Johnston, Iowa
I generated this meme in honor of this great bridge design that clearly allows natural water flow. And always nice to spot a tire in our rivers!
May 28, 2014
Johnston, Iowa
I generated this meme in honor of my suffering.
April 27, 2014
I generated this meme in honor of all the fitness gurus that began inundating every social media feed known to man. And no that’s not a picture of me getting shredded. Fuck you.
April 25, 2014
I generated this meme in honor of Easter landing on 4/20 that year. I remember sending it to my friend Carter. It made him cry. With freaking laughter. Blessings.
April 20, 2014
“What is it you’re looking for?” “Drugs. All the drugs. And, like, 15 sandwiches. I know you got ‘em.”
April 7, 2014
Johnston, Iowa
With my brother from multiple other mothers. How’s that possible? Ask science.
August 18, 2013
Indianola, Iowa
With Peter Stormare after wrapping principal photography for the 2009 film “Janie Jones.” He didn’t like my glasses and the paparazzi caught our wild ass fight breaking out on camera. He broke my jaw, neck, and fist. Metaphorically speaking, of course. What a heavyweight, this guy chews up every scene in every film I’ve ever seen him in. What an honor for him to choke me out in this beautiful Swedish death grip.
October 2009
Des Moines, Iowa
On the set of “Janie Jones.” I remember Endri writing on my Facebook wall, “Don’t do it, David!” I think I replied something like “I’m gonna do it. Here I go. Don’t try and stop me. I’m gonna do it. Right now. Here I go. Don’t stop me. This is it. I’m doin’ it. I’m definitely going to do it. Right now. I’m about to do it…” And so on and so forth.
September 2009
Des Moines, Iowa
James helping me move apartments. I was an idiot. Wish I never lost touch with this guy. Why did I plan his kidnapping? WHY?! Idiot.
December 2007
Culver City, California
I took these four black-and-whites at a Ralph’s for an assignment at the Art Institute. I don’t remember the assignment, but it was boring and uninspired, like most delegations and declarations from authority figures. This explains why I avoided it and didn’t engage well when confronting it. The teacher told me to redo it, that I didn’t try hard enough. It’s never enough for other people.
October 22, 2007
Culver City, California
My first morning in L.A. I got to this grimy motel after midnight, paid about $60, slept for about 5 hours, then went to orientation at the now-closed Art Institute of Los Angeles — Santa Monica, where I proceeded to accidentally spill orange juice on some girl because I was so disoriented. All those homeschooling social skills really paid off. Thanks Mom & Dad. Psyche. #Blessed
August 2007 — The timestamp was set incorrectly, so disregard that. Or don’t, if you’re the delusional type.
Los Angeles, California